Therapy is not for the faint of heart: an interview with Dr. Abigail Oni

Dr. Abigail Oni is a licensed clinical psychologist, hypnotherapist, and inner child healer with 4 years of practice in Nigeria. She holds a doctorate in Transformational Leadership, Social Work, and Community Development (Honoris Causa) and is one of the top therapists in Nigeria. She’s a platinum member of the International Leadership Manpower and Management Development (ILMMD), London.

She specializes in inner child healing and helps adults resolve childhood trauma and achieve emotional well-being. Outside of her professional life, she enjoys the tranquility of classical music and spending time in calm, quiet environments.

In this interview, she gives us insight into her work, demystifies hypnotherapy, and shares her thoughts on the future of mental health in Africa.

What inspired you to pursue a career in clinical psychology and psychotherapy?

I found my inspiration through the practice of transcendental meditation many years ago in Nigeria, and it deepened further during my studies in India. India is widely regarded as one of the primary centers for imeditation, yoga, and spiritual practices.

Was there a personal experience or epiphany that led you to specialize in trauma and inner child healing?

Yes, and it’s deeply personal.

How did you join MyTherapist.ng, and how has your experience been so far? 

I’ve been in touch with Dedoyin, the co-founder, on X for a while, and she invited me to join the team. That’s how I learned about MyTherapist.ng, and it’s been a wonderful and insightful journey ever since.

What do you think sets MyTherapist.ng apart from other mental health platforms?

It’s essential for the founders of any mental health platform to bring mental health professionals into the mix. This ensures that they understand clients’ pain points and can effectively bring therapists together to address their needs. MyTherapist.ng embodies this approach, as it’s well-structured, empathetic, and not forceful profit-driven.

What are some common symptoms or character traits you observe in people dealing with unresolved childhood trauma?

People dealing with unresolved childhood trauma often exhibit a range of symptoms and character traits that reflect the impact of their early experiences. These can manifest emotionally, behaviorally, and physically. Here are some common symptoms and traits:

1. Emotional Symptoms

• Persistent feelings of anxiety and depression.
• Emotional dysregulation
• Chronic shame and guilt

2. Behavioral Symptoms

• An excessive need to please others, often at the expense of their needs.
• Avoidance of situations or relationships that trigger traumatic memories.
• Substance abuse to cope with emotional pain.
• Setting excessively high standards for themselves to avoid criticism or failure.
• Withdrawal from social interactions and relationships.

3. Cognitive Symptoms

• Persistent negative beliefs about themselves, such as feeling unworthy or unlovable.
• Recurring unwanted thoughts about past traumatic events.
• Hypervigilance—constantly feeling on edge or being overly alert to potential threats.

4. Physical Symptoms

• Unexplained physical pain.
• Insomnia, nightmares, or other sleep-related issues.
• Persistent feelings of tiredness or low energy.

5. Relational Symptoms

• Difficulty trusting others
• Attachment issues—they’re either overly dependent on or excessively detached from others .
• Frequent conflicts or dysfunctional relationship patterns.

6. Psychological Symptoms

• Low self-esteem—a poor sense of self-worth and self-confidence.
• Flashbacks
• Uncertainty about their identity and values.

7. Coping Mechanisms

• Dissociation: Feeling disconnected from themselves or their surroundings.
• Overachievement: Striving for excessive success as a way to gain approval and validation.
• Self-harm: Engaging in self-injurious behaviors to cope with emotional pain.

8. Other Symptoms

• Difficulty focusing or staying attentive.
• Impaired memory: Trouble remembering details of the traumatic events or other significant parts of their life.
• Sensitivity to rejection: Overreacting to perceived rejection or criticism.

These symptoms and traits can vary widely among people; they may be more or less pronounced depending on the severity of the trauma and their coping mechanisms.

In what types of mental health issues do you find CBT to be most effective?

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is effective for: 

• anxiety disorders such as Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. It helps people challenge irrational fears, develop coping mechanisms, and reduce anxiety symptoms.

• depressive disorders like Major Depressive Disorder and dysthymia, as it challenges negative thought patterns and improves mood. 

• Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, eating disorders, substance use disorders, phobias, and insomnia, as it addresses unhealthy behaviors and distorted thoughts.

• managing chronic pain, stress, and symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder and Bipolar Disorder.

What do you think are the biggest challenges faced by therapists?

The presence of untrained, unprofessional, and “overnight” motivational speakers, coaches, or influencers claiming they can provide therapy has made things worse for many people. This makes our work as therapists twice as hard because people get wrong perceptions of us and expect overnight miracles and quick healing.

I’ve also noticed that many clients in this part of the world are particularly impatient with the therapeutic process. They want to see improvements within three sessions and become distressed when therapy takes longer.

What do you find most rewarding about your work? 

The most rewarding aspect of my work is witnessing people truly heal, improve, and start to smile from within. Having personally navigated the journey of healing my inner child, I deeply understand the complexities of this path. 

I’m passionate about my work, but it comes at a cost. There are days when I go to bed extremely drained from compassion fatigue, and days when I’m fully booked with clients, so I’m exhausted by the time I return home. This job is not for the faint of heart, which is why there are so few trauma therapists in Nigeria. 

I always tell people this: if they’re called to do trauma work, they must surrender to it fully because there’s no room for half measures. The world needs more dedicated healers like us, and I encourage more people to embrace this calling with all their hearts.

As a therapist, what does emotional well-being look like for you?

Being comfortable with uncomfortable emotions, labeling my feelings, and respecting both my emotional boundaries and those of others. Also, recognizing when I’m overwhelmed and taking a break, validating my feelings, and understanding that I am enough, whole, and constantly replenishing myself no matter what.

Who do you follow or look up to in the mental health space?

I admire the work of the late John Bradshaw on healing the inner child, Dr. Nicole LePera, Dr. Julie Smith, and Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score. I also follow many spiritual healers, such as the late Dr. Wayne Dyer, and I listen to the Dao De Jing, the late Edgar Cayce, Eckhart Tolle, the late Dolores Cannon, and other mystics and mind specialists. Their profound insights have deepened my knowledge and helped me grow. I am a seeker of truth, and I believe there’s no end to learning.

Hypnotherapy isn’t very popular in this part of the world.  What are some common misconceptions you’ve heard about it, and how do you address these in therapy?

Some common misconceptions I’ve encountered include fears of being controlled, manipulated, or acting like animals during sessions. I address them through continuous psychoeducation. I regularly post informative content on my Instagram account @healtraumawithabby and answer questions on different forums to educate people. 

It’s important to know that hypnotherapy is an altered state of consciousness that still leaves you in control of the session. Unlike “talk therapy,” hypnotherapy can achieve significant results in a shorter amount of time, especially when sessions are continued over several weeks.

If you weren’t a therapist, what other career path would you have pursued?

I’d be a neurosurgeon; I’m fascinated by how the brain works. 

What mental health trends or changes do you anticipate in the future?

As awareness of therapy increases in Africa, I expect several positive trends in mental health:

• As conversations about mental health become more normalized, stigma will gradually decrease, encouraging more people to seek help.
• There’ll be more mental health professionals and clinics.
• There will likely be a stronger emphasis on integrating mental health services into primary healthcare systems.
• Initiatives that promote community support and group therapy will become more popular, fostering collective healing.
• Teletherapy and mental health apps will become more widespread, making services more accessible, especially in remote areas.
• There will be a rise in varied therapeutic approaches, including culturally relevant practices and holistic methods alongside traditional therapies.

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Dr. Abigail’s  dedication to healing and passion for mental health are truly inspiring. Her insights remind us of the importance of addressing mental health with compassion and understanding. 

Remember: therapy is a journey, not a quick fix. It requires patience, commitment, and an open heart. If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health issues, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. The path to healing and emotional well-being is challenging but, in the end, immensely rewarding.