Guilt

Last reviewed Saturday, October 24, 2026

Guilt is the uncomfortable feeling that you’ve done something wrong or let someone down, judged by your own standards. In proportion, it’s useful: it pushes you to apologise and put things right. When it’s excessive, about things you couldn’t control or a constant sense of having done wrong, it’s linked with depression and can be part of OCD.

Also called: a guilty conscience; remorse; self-blame. The word also has a legal sense, the fact of having committed an offence. This entry is about the feeling.

Types

Healthy guilt fits what happened. It’s about a specific act, such as snapping at a friend, and it eases once you’ve made amends.
Excessive guilt is out of proportion. You feel responsible for things you couldn’t control, such as a parent’s illness or a sibling’s divorce, or you carry a constant, free-floating sense of having done wrong without knowing what. In a review of 108 studies, these two kinds of guilt were as closely linked with depression as shame was.
Survivor guilt is common after a traumatic event in which others died and you came through. It has had little research, and therapies for it are still being tested.
Guilt after a death is part of grief for many people: about something said or not said, or about not being able to stop it. See bereavement.

The dictionary definition captures why guilt can mislead: it’s a feeling of responsibility for a wrong, whether that wrong is real or imagined.

Excessive guilt in depression and OCD

Excessive or inappropriate guilt is one of the recognised symptoms of depression, alongside low mood and anhedonia, the loss of pleasure. The NHS describes it as feeling guilt-ridden. If guilt comes with low mood or loss of interest most of the day, nearly every day, for two weeks or more, it may be depression.

In OCD, guilt can take a religious or moral form that clinicians call scrupulosity: a fear of having sinned or done wrong that won’t settle, with prayers or washing repeated until it feels right. There’s little evidence that religion causes OCD, and a therapist can adapt treatment to respect your faith.

Coping

Start by checking whether the guilt is earned. Did you really do something wrong, and was it in your control? If not, the feeling is giving you false information. Say so to yourself, and talk it over with someone who’ll be honest with you.

If it is earned:

apologise for the specific thing, without a “but”
make amends where you can
change the pattern so it’s less likely to happen again
then let it go, because carrying it for years doesn’t help the person you hurt

Being kind to yourself helps, and it doesn’t let you off the hook. In experiments, people who treated themselves with self-compassion after a moral lapse were more motivated to make amends and do better.

In Nigeria

Guilt often travels with duty. Many people feel guilty whenever they say no to a family request, or that they never send enough home, however much black tax they pay. Those who japa often carry guilt about the parents they’ve left. Rest can feel selfish when family needs never end. If your guilt is tied to faith, a trusted pastor or imam may help you think about forgiveness, and a good therapist will work within your beliefs rather than argue with them.

Guilt vs shame

Psychologists often sum it up as “I did a bad thing” versus “I am bad”. Guilt is about an action and pushes you to repair it. Shame is about your whole self and pushes you to hide, and it’s more closely linked with depression and anxiety than guilt is. A common belief is that shame happens in public and guilt in private, but in one study shame was no more likely than guilt to happen in front of others.

When to get help

Talk to a therapist if guilt is with you most days, if you keep replaying an old mistake and can’t move on, or if it comes with low mood that has lasted more than two weeks. You can book a licensed therapist on Mytherapist.ng for CBT and skills-based therapy or for depression and mood disorders.

If guilt has turned into feeling worthless, or that people would be better off without you, get help now: call 112 (or 767 in Lagos), or Safe Place Nigeria on 0800 800 2000. The full list is on our helplines page.

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