Self-Compassion
Last reviewed Saturday, October 24, 2026Self-compassion means treating yourself with the kindness you’d offer a good friend when you fail, make a mistake or are in pain, instead of attacking yourself. Psychologist Kristin Neff describes three parts: being kind to yourself rather than judging, remembering that everyone struggles, and noticing painful feelings without being swept away by them.
Also called: self-kindness; being kind to yourself. Its opposite is harsh self-criticism, sometimes called the inner critic.
What compassion means
Compassion comes from Latin and means “to suffer with”. A 2016 review of definitions found five parts: noticing suffering, seeing it as part of being human, feeling for the person, bearing the discomfort, and wanting to help. Self-compassion turns the same five towards yourself.
Examples
- After failing an exam or a job interview: “This hurts, and many people go through it. What would help next time?” instead of “I’m useless.”
- After snapping at your partner: owning it and apologising, without deciding you’re a terrible person.
- On an exhausting day: resting, rather than pushing on and despising yourself for being tired.
Why it matters
Across 14 studies, people with more self-compassion had fewer mental health symptoms, though that shows a link rather than a cause. In experiments, people who were kind to themselves after a mistake were more motivated to improve, not less. Compassion-focused therapy teaches these skills, and in trials it has reduced self-criticism compared with waiting lists.
In Nigeria
If you grew up being corrected more than praised, kindness to yourself can feel like letting yourself off. It isn’t. It’s what lets you face a mistake and fix it. A 2025 study of 371 people living with HIV in Nigeria found that those with more self-compassion were less affected by stigma, in both depression and quality of life.
How it differs from self-esteem and self-pity
Self-esteem tends to depend on succeeding or feeling above average. Self-compassion doesn’t, so it holds up better when you fail. Self-pity asks “why me?” and turns inward, while self-compassion remembers that others struggle too. It’s also different from compassion fatigue, the exhaustion carers can feel.
When to get help
If your inner critic is constant, or it comes with low mood, anxiety or problems with eating, a licensed therapist can help. Browse therapists for self-esteem and emotional skills on Mytherapist.ng.
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This entry is awaiting clinical review. It’s based on published research and health guidelines, and we’ll update it once a clinician has reviewed it.
