People often start counselling knowing something is wrong but not what they want instead. Here’s what counselling is trying to achieve, who decides your goals, and how to turn “I just want to feel better” into something you can work on.
Counselling aims to help you understand yourself and your situation, cope with distress, make your own decisions, improve your relationships and change what you want to change. The exact goals are yours, agreed with your counsellor early on.
The broad goals of counselling
Professional bodies describe the purpose of counselling in similar terms. The American Counseling Association calls it a professional relationship that helps people reach mental health, wellness, education and career goals. The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) says counsellors help you find your own solutions, without giving you their opinions or advice. BACP’s 2018 Ethical Framework listed values that read like a set of goals: easing personal distress, building wellbeing and capability, improving relationships, increasing resilience, and helping people find a sense of self that fits their own culture.
Put together, most counselling works towards some mix of the following.
| Goal | What it looks like | An example |
|---|---|---|
| Understanding yourself | Seeing your patterns, feelings and needs more clearly | Realising you say yes to every family request because you fear being called selfish |
| Easing distress | Feeling less overwhelmed, anxious or low | Sleeping again after months of worry about money |
| Coping better | New ways to handle stress you can’t remove | Managing a long Lagos commute and a difficult boss without exploding at home |
| Making decisions | Weighing options and choosing for yourself | Deciding whether to stay in a job, a course or a city |
| Changing behaviour | Doing less of what hurts you, more of what helps | Cutting back on betting, or speaking up in meetings |
| Better relationships | Clearer communication, fairer boundaries | Talking to your spouse about money without a fight |
| Growth | Using strengths you haven’t used yet | Going back to school, starting a business, rebuilding confidence |
You won’t work on all of these at once. Most people come with one or two, and the rest follow or don’t matter.
Your goals, not the counsellor’s
The goals in counselling belong to you. A counsellor helps you name them, sharpen them and check they’re realistic, but doesn’t hand them to you. This is what separates counselling from advice. Your aunt might tell you to leave your marriage or stay for the children; a counsellor helps you work out what you want and what you can live with.
Counselling theory has long treated agreement on goals as part of the relationship itself. In 1979 the psychologist Edward Bordin described the “working alliance” as three things: agreement on goals, agreement on the tasks that will get you there, and the bond between you and the counsellor. Later approaches build on the same idea. Pluralistic counselling, for example, is organised around goals, tasks and methods that you and your counsellor agree together.
In practice, that sounds like:
- “What would you like to be different by the end of our sessions?”
- “If this went well, what would you notice in your week?”
- “Is that your goal, or the goal your family has for you?”
That last question matters in Nigeria, where decisions about marriage, careers and money often involve the whole family. A good counsellor doesn’t pretend your family isn’t there. They help you decide what you want within it.
How goals change during counselling
Goals aren’t fixed on day one. Many counselling models move through three broad phases, and the goals shift with them.
Suggested read: Ethics in Counselling: Principles Every Client Should Know
- Early on: feeling safe enough to talk, and telling your story. A reasonable early goal is simply “I want to understand why I keep feeling like this.”
- In the middle: understanding what’s driving the problem. Goals often get sharper here, or change completely. Someone who came in about exam stress may realise the real issue is fear of disappointing a parent.
- Later: acting on what you’ve learned, and planning how to keep going after counselling ends.
It’s normal to say, a few sessions in, “I don’t think that’s what I want any more.” Saying so is progress, not failure.
How to word a useful goal
Vague goals are a fine place to start, but they’re hard to work on. Gerard Egan’s widely taught Skilled Helper model, as counselling trainers usually summarise it, asks clients to turn wishes into goals that are specific and realistic, with a sense of when they’ll know they’ve got there.
| Vague | Workable |
|---|---|
| “I want to be happy.” | “I want to enjoy at least one thing each week again, like football on Saturdays.” |
| “I want my marriage to be better.” | “I want us to talk about money once a month without shouting.” |
| “I want to stop overthinking.” | “I want to fall asleep within half an hour on most nights.” |
| “I want to know what to do with my life.” | “I want to choose between a master’s and a job offer by March.” |
You don’t need to arrive with a goal in this form. Working it out is part of what the first few sessions are for.
Does agreeing goals make a difference?
The research suggests it does, with limits. A 2018 set of meta-analyses pooled 54 studies of more than 7,000 adults in individual therapy. Clients who agreed with their therapist about the goals of therapy tended to have better outcomes, and so did clients who worked collaboratively with their therapist. The link was moderate in size.
Two cautions. First, these studies show a link, not proof that agreeing goals causes improvement; people who are already doing better may also find it easier to agree goals. Second, few of the studies had diverse samples, and none of the evidence comes from Nigeria. The authors’ practical advice still makes sense: therapists should ask for your input on goals and plans, give you regular feedback, and involve you throughout.
Goals of guidance and counselling in schools
In schools, counselling sits inside a wider guidance service with three broad aims: helping students with their education, their future work and their personal and social lives. Our guide to what guidance and counselling is explains the three areas.
Nigeria’s revised National Policy on Education of 1981, as later accounts quote it, gave two reasons for appointing counsellors in post-primary schools: young people’s lack of knowledge about careers, and personal adjustment problems among pupils. Four decades on, those are still recognisable goals for a school counsellor: help students choose well, and help them cope.
What counselling doesn’t aim to do
- Tell you what to do. A counsellor may share information or help you weigh options, but the decision stays yours.
- Make you into what others want. Counselling isn’t a tool for a parent, spouse or employer to change you.
- Fix everything quickly. Some goals take a few sessions; others take months. Our piece on how long therapy takes to work covers what affects this.
- Replace medical care. If you have a severe mental illness, counselling can help alongside treatment from a doctor, not instead of it.
- Judge your goals. A counsellor may question whether a goal is realistic or truly yours, but they shouldn’t dismiss what matters to you.
Goals and techniques: how they fit together
Goals are where you want to get to. Techniques are how a counsellor helps you get there: listening, reflecting, questioning, challenging and so on. Our guide to counselling techniques and skills covers the techniques in detail. Different approaches use different techniques for the same goal. A non-directive counsellor might help you reach a decision by reflecting your feelings back to you, while a more structured approach might use worksheets and homework. Our guide to the types of counselling compares them.
Starting with your own goals
Before your first session, it can help to jot down three things: what’s bothering you, what you’d like to be different, and what you’ve already tried. Then ask the counsellor how they’ll check progress with you. Our list of questions to ask a potential therapist has more ideas.
On Mytherapist.ng you can book individual or couples sessions by video, voice or chat. Browse licensed therapists and read how each describes the issues they work with.
Suggested read: Stages of Group Counselling: What Happens in Each
Frequently asked questions
What are the goals of counselling? To help you understand yourself and your situation, ease distress, cope better, make your own decisions, change unhelpful behaviour, improve relationships and grow. Your own goals will be a specific version of one or two of these.
What is the main aim of counselling? To help you find your own way through a difficulty. The counsellor listens, reflects and asks questions so you can see your situation clearly and decide what to do, rather than giving advice.
Who sets the goals in counselling? You do, with your counsellor’s help. They may help you sharpen a goal or check whether it’s realistic, but they shouldn’t impose one.
What are the goals of guidance and counselling in schools? To help students with three areas: their education (subjects, study and exams), their future work (career choices) and their personal and social lives (relationships, feelings and wellbeing), and to refer them on when they need more help.
What’s the difference between goals and techniques in counselling? Goals are the outcomes you’re working towards. Techniques are the methods a counsellor uses to help, such as active listening, reflecting feelings and summarising.
Can my goals change during counselling? Yes, and they often do. As you understand a problem better, your first goal may turn out to be the wrong one. Tell your counsellor when that happens.
This article is awaiting clinical review. It’s based on published research and health guidelines, and we’ll update it once a clinician has reviewed it.
