Counselling can look like two people just talking. Behind each question and each pause, though, is a skill the counsellor has practised. Here’s what those skills are, the main techniques built on them, and how they sound in a real session.
Counselling techniques are what a counsellor does in a session to help you talk, understand your situation and change what you want to change. They rest on core listening skills, like attending, open questions, reflecting and summarising, plus methods from approaches such as person-centred counselling, CBT and solution-focused therapy.
Skills and techniques aren’t the same thing
It helps to separate the two.
- Skills are how a counsellor listens and responds. Every counsellor uses them, whatever their approach.
- Techniques are specific methods that belong to one approach, such as questioning an unhelpful thought in CBT or the “miracle question” in solution-focused therapy.
Techniques depend on good listening, which is why training usually starts with the skills.
The core listening skills
In 1968 the psychologist Allen Ivey and colleagues published an approach to training counsellors in small, specific skills, which they called microcounselling. Courses still teach these “microskills” as a hierarchy. At its base are the qualities Carl Rogers described: empathy, acceptance and genuineness. Then come attending and observing, then questions and reflection. Harder skills, such as challenging someone, come later.
Attending
Attending means showing, with your whole manner, that you’re listening: eye contact, tone of voice, posture, and “verbal tracking”, which means staying with what the person actually said instead of jumping to your own topic.
Many trainees learn the acronym SOLER, from the counselling writer Gerard Egan in 1975: sit squarely, open posture, lean towards the person, eye contact, relax. It’s a teaching aid, not a rule, and some educators have proposed alternatives. If steady eye contact makes you uncomfortable, it’s fine to tell your counsellor.
Open questions
Open questions invite a fuller answer. “What was that like for you?” gets more than “Were you angry?” Closed questions still have a place, for checking facts: “Are you sleeping at night?”
Paraphrasing and reflecting feelings
Paraphrasing puts the content of what you said into fewer words. Reflecting puts the feeling into words. Take Funmi, 31, who works in a Lagos bank:
Funmi: “My manager sends messages at midnight. If I haven’t replied by morning, he brings it up in the meeting.”
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Paraphrase: “Your manager expects you to be available at all hours.”
Reflection of feeling: “It sounds as if you’re on edge all the time, even at home.”
A reflection can land harder, because it names a feeling Funmi may not have put into words yet.
Summarising
A summary pulls several threads together, usually when changing topic or near the end of a session: “So far you’ve talked about the late messages, the promotion you’re hoping for and how little you’re sleeping. Which of those feels most pressing today?”
Silence
A good counsellor doesn’t rush to fill every pause. Silence gives you time to think before you go on, at your own pace.
Agreeing how you’ll work together
Before any technique, a counsellor sets up the work with you: how long sessions last, what counselling can and can’t do, what you want from it, and what stays confidential. Professional codes, such as the UK counselling body BACP’s 2018 Ethical Framework, ask counsellors to agree with clients how they’ll work together and to check, from time to time, how the work feels to the client.
Confidentiality has limits, and a counsellor should explain them at the start. Our guide to when a therapist can break confidentiality sets out what Nigerian law says, and what to expect in your first session covers the rest.
Techniques from person-centred counselling
In person-centred counselling, the relationship itself is the main tool. The counsellor follows your lead, doesn’t give advice, and works through empathy, acceptance and genuineness. The skills above, especially reflecting feelings and silence, do most of the work.
It suits people who want space to understand themselves or make their own decision. Our guide to non-directive counselling shows a full example.
Techniques from CBT
Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is more structured. According to the NHS, a typical session looks at situations you find difficult and how they make you think, feel and act. You then work out different ways to approach them, which can include:
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- questioning unhelpful thoughts and beliefs, and looking at other ways of seeing things
- noticing emotions and physical feelings without reacting to them
- changing what you do, for example by doing things you’ve been avoiding
You’re usually asked to practise between sessions, sometimes with a worksheet or diary. A course of CBT is often between 5 and 15 sessions.
Here’s how questioning a thought might sound. Tunde, 34, has a job interview next week:
Tunde: “If I stumble on one question, they’ll decide I’m useless.”
Counsellor: “What’s happened in past interviews when you stumbled?”
Tunde: “I got the job at my last place, even though I mixed up two figures.”
Counsellor: “So stumbling once didn’t decide it then. What might be a more accurate thing to tell yourself?”
Read more about how CBT works, or find therapists who use CBT and skills-based approaches.
Techniques from solution-focused therapy
Solution-focused brief therapy was developed by Steve de Shazer and Insoo Kim Berg at their Brief Family Therapy Center in Milwaukee, in the United States. It spends less time on the history of a problem and more on what you want instead and what’s already working. Three techniques are typical:
- The miracle question: “Suppose that tonight, while you sleep, the problem is solved. What’s the first thing you’d notice tomorrow morning?” It’s meant to turn a vague wish into a clear picture of what you want.
- Scaling questions: “On a scale of 0 to 10, where are you today? What would one point higher look like?”
- Exception questions: “When was the problem a bit smaller? What was different then?”
Aisha, an SS3 student in Kano, is anxious about her WAEC mock exams. She puts herself at 4 out of 10. Instead of asking why it isn’t higher, her counsellor asks what got her from 0 to 4. She mentions revising with a friend after school. That becomes the first thing to build on.
A 2025 review that pulled together 25 earlier reviews found solution-focused therapy helpful across many problems and settings, with no evidence of harm. The authors also called for more rigorous studies.
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Skills trainees learn later
Two skills need more practice and judgement:
- Challenging: respectfully pointing out a gap between what someone says and does. “You say the job doesn’t matter to you, but you’ve brought it up in every session.”
- Self-disclosure: a counsellor sharing something about themselves. Good practice is to use it sparingly, and only when it helps the client.
A quick reference
| Skill or technique | What it sounds like | What it’s for | Where it comes from |
|---|---|---|---|
| Attending | Nods, eye contact, “mm” | Shows you’re being heard | Every approach |
| Open question | “What was that like?” | Opens up your story | Every approach |
| Reflection of feeling | “You sound worn out.” | Helps you name what you feel | Every approach; central to person-centred work |
| Summary | “So far you’ve said…” | Pulls threads together | Every approach |
| Questioning a thought | “What’s the evidence for that?” | Tests unhelpful thinking | CBT |
| Practice between sessions | A diary or worksheet | Turns insight into habit | CBT |
| Miracle question | “Suppose the problem is solved…” | Makes the goal concrete | Solution-focused |
| Scaling question | “Where are you from 0 to 10?” | Tracks progress in small steps | Solution-focused |
What this means if you’re a client
- You don’t need to know any of this to benefit from counselling. But knowing it helps you notice what’s going on.
- You can ask how your counsellor works. “Will you give me exercises, or help me talk things through?” is a fair question. Our list of questions to ask a potential therapist has more.
- Say if something isn’t working. A good counsellor will adjust.
- The relationship matters across every approach. Research links counsellors’ empathy, acceptance and genuineness with better results. It’s a link, not proof, but it’s why listening comes first.
To compare approaches, read our guide to the types of counselling, or browse licensed therapists on Mytherapist.ng and read how each describes their work.
If you’re training as a counsellor
- Practise the basics until they’re automatic. Role-play with classmates, and ask for honest feedback on your reflections and summaries.
- Learn each approach on its own terms before you mix them.
- Get supervision. Under the Counselling Practitioners Council of Nigeria Act 2022, a certificate of professional competence needs two years of practical experience under the supervision of registered counsellors.
Our guide on how to become a therapist in Nigeria explains the training routes.
Frequently asked questions
What are the basic counselling skills? Attending, open questions, paraphrasing, reflecting feelings, summarising and using silence. Together they show the client they’ve been heard and help them say more.
What’s the difference between counselling skills and counselling techniques? Skills are how a counsellor listens and responds, and every counsellor uses them. Techniques are methods from one approach, such as the miracle question in solution-focused therapy.
What are some examples of counselling techniques? Reflecting feelings in person-centred work, questioning unhelpful thoughts and practising between sessions in CBT, and the miracle question and scaling questions in solution-focused therapy.
What is the most important skill in counselling? Most training starts with listening, through attending and reflecting. Research across approaches links a counsellor’s empathy with better results, though that’s a link rather than proof.
How many counselling techniques are there? There’s no official number. Long lists usually mix skills, techniques and whole approaches. It’s more useful to understand the core skills and the main approaches.
Can I use counselling skills without being a counsellor? Yes. Teachers, HR staff, faith leaders and parents can all use good listening skills. But using the skills isn’t the same as practising as a counsellor. In Nigeria, practising for reward as a registered Professional Counsellor needs registration with the Counselling Practitioners Council of Nigeria.
This article is awaiting clinical review. It’s based on published research and health guidelines, and we’ll update it once a clinician has reviewed it.
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