You tell your family you’re struggling, or that you want to see a therapist, and the answer comes back: “Just pray about it.” Here is how to answer without a fight, and without giving up your faith or your help.
When your family says “just pray about it”, they usually mean “we love you and we’re worried”. You can agree that prayer matters and still get help. Christianity and Islam have always made room for medicine, and therapy is care for the mind.
What they might really be saying
- “We’re scared.” Mental illness frightens many families, especially those who have seen a relative treated badly.
- “What will people say?” Stigma is real, and families often try to protect their name. Our piece on mental health stigma in Nigeria explains where it comes from.
- “This is spiritual.” Many families understand distress as spiritual attack, or as a test of faith.
- “A therapist will turn you against God, or against us.” A fear that therapy means an outsider judging the family.
- “We can’t afford it.” Sometimes the objection is really about money.
Working out which worry is underneath helps you answer the real one.
Words you can use
- “I’m praying. I’m also getting help. I don’t see them as opposites.”
- “If I had typhoid, you’d pray and take me to hospital. This is the same.”
- “The therapist won’t ask me to stop praying. My faith is part of what I’ll bring.”
- “What I talk about is private. This isn’t about exposing the family.”
- “I’m not saying our faith has failed. I’m using every help God has given.”
If your family is Christian
- Jesus said, “They that are whole need not a physician; but they that are sick.” (Luke 5:31)
- Luke, who wrote one of the Gospels, is called “the beloved physician”. (Colossians 4:14)
- “In the multitude of counsellors there is safety.” (Proverbs 11:14)
You can also ask your pastor. Many are glad to see members get help, and some churches run counselling of their own.
If your family is Muslim
- The Prophet said there is no disease Allah has created without also creating its treatment. (Sahih al-Bukhari 5678)
- When people asked whether they should seek medical treatment, he told them to, because Allah has not made a disease without a remedy. (Sunan Abi Dawud 3855)
- When a man asked whether to tie his camel or trust in Allah, the Prophet told him to tie it and trust. Effort and trust go together. (Jami at-Tirmidhi 2517)
An imam you trust can talk this through with your family too.
What therapy is, and isn’t
- It isn’t a replacement for faith, or a rival to it.
- A good therapist works within your values and won’t mock or argue with your beliefs.
- You decide what to talk about, and you can tell your therapist at the start that your faith matters to you.
- Some therapists specialise in faith-based counselling.
- What you say is confidential, with one limit: a serious, immediate risk to life. Our guide to confidentiality in online therapy explains how it works.
For more on why faith and therapy don’t have to compete, read therapy and faith in Nigeria.
When to hold your ground
Some situations can’t wait for a family debate. If you’re thinking about ending your life, hearing or seeing things others don’t, or unable to eat, sleep or function, you need medical help now, alongside prayer.
- If you’re in immediate danger, call 112, or 767 in Lagos.
- Safe Place Nigeria, 0800 800 2000, is toll-free and answered 24 hours a day. Our helplines page lists more.
No church, mosque or prayer house is allowed to chain, beat or starve anyone. Nigeria’s National Mental Health Act bans chains and shackles, including in faith-based centres. Our guide to choosing a rehab centre explains the law.
You don’t need permission
If you’re an adult, you can get help without your family’s approval. Sessions by video, voice or chat can be private, even at home. You can browse therapists here and start when you’re ready.
If you’re the family member reading this
Keep praying, and help them get help. Ask what they need. Offer to pay for a session or sit with them while they book. Don’t announce it to the extended family. Your support matters more than you might think.
Suggested read: Suicide Prevention: How to Ask the Question
Frequently asked questions
Is it a sin to go to therapy?
Mainstream Christian and Muslim teaching supports seeking treatment for illness, and both traditions have long used medicine. If you’re unsure, talk to a pastor or imam you trust.
Will therapy make me lose my faith?
A good therapist won’t try to change your beliefs. Many people find therapy helps them live their faith with less fear and guilt.
Can I see a therapist who respects my religion?
Yes. Tell your therapist at the start that your faith matters to you. Some therapists specialise in faith-based counselling.
What if my family won’t let me go?
If you’re an adult, the decision is yours, and chat or voice sessions can help if privacy at home is hard. If you’re under 18, talk to a trusted adult or a school counsellor, or call a helpline.
How do I tell my parents I need therapy?
Pick a calm moment and describe what’s been happening in concrete terms: sleep, work, how you’ve been feeling. Say you’re praying too, and ask for their support rather than their permission.
